Every headline in search results just screams READ ME FOR INSTANT SUCCESS as regards to improving traffic to my site, garnering subscribers to my blogs, or achieving an increase in revenue. 

Is my head spinning? Yes. 

Things I Want to Know –  “What’d You Say?” or “HUH?”

• How-to put What Where (meta, keywords, titles, descriptors, directing, redirecting and don’t even talk to me about canonical and hierarchy)
• How the HELL to analyze an analysis of my website
• How to join a forum without having my in-box look like the Puente Hills Landfill  
• How to interpret a search result and then convert it into something that will narrow down the search to ONLY ME ME ME and MINE
• I can’t even decipher a How-To-Decipher-Something-Blog.
• The “Bookmark” feature in all my browsers should be like my closet of clothes:  If you’re not going to use it after one year: Get Rid of It!  I must have THOUSANDS of articles in there I haven’t finished reading….but they looked compelling enough to “save for later”
• Customer Service Reps in India via “Chat” or Telephonically: This just DOES NOT WORK when you reside in the United States and Need-Help-This-Instant.  Enough said.
• There are books called “Analytics for Dummies”, “AdWords for Dummies”, “Internet Marketing for Dummies”.  Am I able to read them?  Yes. Understand them? No.  Did I buy any of them? Another No.  

Becoming an Expert on Experts

Essentially, for every topic there are hundreds, if not THOUSANDS, of articles written on the same subject.  That makes me a Search Expert on Finding Experts which was easy because I found out that: 

Everyone on the Internet is an Expert whether via education, experience, and/or opinion. If you have none of the aforementioned, if you just post a blog or have a website, you are still an Expert. The successful ones are just perservering, tenacious SOBs. I found that in order for me to have expertise or credibility, I’m supposed to (amongst other things) “chime in” on other people’s blogs, guest on their site, have them write on my blog site, get links, get sponsors, etc.  I’m learning: it’s part of what one must do – Be A Nudge. Be all salesperson-ish. Look:

1. If you BARK loud enough
2. If you BARK long enough
3. If you BARK tirelessly and relentlessly about the same subject over and over again: You become an expert.

• If you tout what works for you and yours
• If you get In My Face 24/7…like Chinese Water Torture
• If you have webinars every 15 minutes
• If you flood my in-box, my Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In pages, if you pay for ads, if other sites link to and from your site thereby appealing to my newly acquired Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder facilitated by the internet pop-up ads and fly-in boxes, snazzy and newly retooled (and recycled) articles, and titles with flashy CTAs (Calls-To-Action: a spanky way to get you to do something you might not ordinarily do; kind of like the “Ten-Hut!” drill command).

Where did the time go?

Recently, I literally spent hours upon hours upon hours looking up recipes for Good Things To Feed My Dogs. End result? Crabby and virtually drowning in a sea of recipes, readers’ thoughts, opinions, recipe tweaks, and comments, I eventually concocted my Own Recipe which my dogs love.  I simply left out Stuff that’s bad for dogs. They eat it all up so now I’m a Dog Food Expert.  I’ve had Epic Fails, believe me. Conclusion:  Had I just talked to my Vet or simply searched “Toxic to Dogs”, I’d be 168 hours richer.  I sure could use that week that I wasted poking around on the internet. See? Now I’m a Time Management Expert!

Content is King

How many times have I heard it and read it? Here are my search results for “Content is King”:  About 1,560,000 results. I’ll be dead before I can read all the results in their entirety (I must Bookmark them!). I have been counseled to blog loud, long, tirelessly, and relentlessly while staying within the area of my business-related website. My personal gurus at ThriveHive may be secretly plotting to take me off life support soon because I can’t come out of the ether of inaction.

DUDE!  Let me give you an idea of what I’m up against.

Background: I love animals. I have four dogs, four cats, and two birds.  I have had many who have gone before these and many will come after.  I’ve had animals pass away or escape. I have one vet for my dogs and one vet for my cats.  My animals have had illnesses, fleas, one tick, collars, tags, leashes, licenses, and inoculations; they need exercise, love, proper care, and feeding.  They occasionally disagree with one another. I find too many animals roaming; I see too many lost pet signs. I microchip animals for a living.  Think ye there are NO internet articles about any of the above? Who doesn’t write about animals?

Pfffft!  My blogging competition is the entire Kingdom Of Animal Lovers.  Uhhh, that’s not even local – that’s GLOBAL.  The glut of animal-related services, products, testimonials, articles, cute puppy pix, sleepy-eyed kitten photos, and dogs nursing motherless goslings.  Warm, fuzzy articles about peoples’ pets is NOT something with which I can compete in order to wind up as “Top Dog” in the industry of Pet Services.  Everybody knows Something about Animals. (I just Googled that last sentence: About 25,500,000 results.  Truly, I have way more than 99 problems.

Succinct is Queen

Storytelling is hard!  For my “internet marketing” I want to do one thing: get down to bare-bones and brass tacks. In the beginning, I was happy to have a one-page site –  an internet brick-and-mortar (so to speak) of one-liner info but the urge to flourish is so compelling and so insistent that I’ve become “WHELMED OVER”, as my friend, Devon, so aptly describes the condition.

There is no place for simplicity on the internet. The internet is an escape-proof maze of flashing signs, left turns, right turns, u-turns, roundabouts, cul-de-sacs, and highways.  There are no exits and nary a Red Light, Green Light, to be found.  Where is “Engineer Bill” when I need him most?

So, you see, writing about something that relates to my business is not as easy as it would seem.  In some way, everyone has been touched by an animal whether it’s mammalian, avian, reptilian – or even an insect; they are so much a part of our lives. Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but right now….

…I gotta go find a YouTube video of a raccoon singing a Beatle’s song or a Photoshop-ped picture of Bambi kicking a deerhunter smack dab in the family jewels.  Afterward, I will then post one or the other on Facebook so as to “engage my audience”……Sigh……

Need Help?  I recommend:  ThriveHive & Michelle Shaeffer

My Dog Vet (Dr. William Martin), My Cat Vet (Dr. Gerry Schultz)